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Well this feels like my motto of the moment, my daily mantra if you will, which goes a little something like “I have no idea what I’m doing with this but hey, you have to start somewhere!”  You see, it works tacked on to any sentence or phrase, just try it and observe how suddenly everything has a sense of acceptance about it, regardless of actual knowledge, quality or relevance!

This has been a common phrase used in my head (but mostly out-loud to myself) over the last 6 months or so, since my life of planning and routine was upturned by a redundancy from a company I had dedicated 9+ years of my life to.  Although it was a welcome change, I hadn’t fully realised just how much of my life it had filled up and how much I relied on the routine it brought. Since then, almost everything has felt new again, like I’m starting from the beginning.  What exactly am I starting at the beginning with?  Well that changes daily.  But I’m now ok with that.

Whilst I’m so grateful for the many learnings I gained, career opportunities I experienced and most importantly, amazing friendships that I gathered over my time in that “previous life”, it’s now glaringly obvious to me, (although others could see it well before I did) that I was equally losing some “things” along the way.  I’m certainly not a “fluffy” type of person, rather more about facts and actions and as my Dad would say, a “just press on” type of person, meaning I just get on with things.  I’ve not really ever taken time, nor would I ever admit that I had the time to stop, look and reflect on what was happening to me, my life, and those around me.  I mean let’s be honest, when was the last time you stopped and reflected on that, and I mean quality reflection and not just a fleeting check of “how am I feeling on a scale 1 to 10”?

Well it happened to me and by this I mean, I didn’t intentionally mean to get all “fluffy”. I’d probably say shortly after my 10 year old went back to school at the end of the Christmas holidays, which by the way, I knew were long, but having lived every day of them without my usual work routine, suddenly was one of the longest periods of my life!  It was the first time in my son’s short 10 years of life (well, since he was a baby) that I had truly been there from his waking moment to the time he fell asleep, day in and day out for over 42 days straight.  Now that is an undeniable, inescapable fact and one that hit me right between the eyes with very little warning at all.  What other facts were waiting in the wings ready to ambush me at any point?

It was from a some-what forced self reflection on what had passed over the last 10 years, in what seemed to have been a flurry of uncontrolled long blinks, that led to a clarity of my need for purposeful change.  I was not and am not, going to let another large portion of my designated time fly past me unless I’m in across all aspects of it.  So it’s with this new found appreciation of the speed of passing time, that I understand the importance of taking a minute to stop, assess what is going on around you and authenticate how you truly feel about it so you can make whatever changes you need to, before it’s too late.

I now take each day, with its new challenges, adventures, learnings and feelings, as it comes and apply my daily mantra of “you have to start somewhere” (and the odd glass of wine or two) which results somehow, in making the uncomfortable, comfortable and achievable.  Let me tell you though, whilst 9 times out of 10 I don’t necessarily feel like I know exactly what I’m doing, at least I’m orchestrating it for myself, I’m in control and most days I feel like I’m in the upper half of the 1 to 10 happiness scale and it feels bloody great!  Perhaps after-all, I am a bit “fluffier” than originally thought, but that’s ok, I think I like it.